Parent Pusher?

[thewrestlingdude]

I recently read a column by Jeff Opdyke, a Wall Street Journal columnist whose writing appears in the Providence Journal every other week, about his son?s involvement in soccer. And it was a bit of a wakeup call.

 

Opdyke wonders if he pushed his son to play soccer, not because his son loved it but because Opdyke himself loves soccer and saw himself as the father of a soccer player. His son had played soccer for years, earning a place on the travel team. The family sacrificed a lot to ensure their future Diego Maradona had the time and resources to develop his skills.

 

And it all ended one day when Diego Maradona said he?d rather be Tiger Woods and hung up his soccer cleats in favor of a bag of golf clubs.

 

For our kids, involvement in sports, particular team sports, begins at an early age. We sign our kids up for soccer and t-ball, hockey and softball. We show up for games to cheer on our five-year-olds as they chaotically scramble around the soccer field or impatiently wait their turn at bat in t-ball. We bring snacks for our football players and help our hockey players haul around their gear. Some of our children start with gymnastics or dance, and we happily shell out the money for classes and recital costumes just for the chance to see our future Gene/Jeanne Kelly tap along to Singin? in the Rain.

 

But do we become too invested in the idea of being a parent of an athlete? A soccer dad? A hockey mom? A friend of mine played semi-professional hockey in Europe; now his three-year-old is already taking skating lessons and learning how to wield a stick. Obviously, he wants to share his love of hockey with his child. But what if the child doesn?t take to the sport? Sometimes we invest our own happiness in our children?s choices. Sometimes we get even more out of it than our children do.

 

The sidelines of a baseball game or soccer match can be one of the few public social gathering places for parents these days. The convenience and routine of running into the same people, parents of other kids on the team, becomes a constant in our lives. Eventually, lifelong friendships are made. Controversy aside, what was impressive about the fundraiser for Jacob Mayo was that it revealed a vibrant loving community centered on a youth sports team. I have seen that same kind community germinating on the sidelines of my son?s t-ball game, or through Seekonk Youth Soccer, or through Seekonk Jr. Warriors.

 

When parents take such a big role in the sports teams, the camaraderie and the social aspect, it puts more pressure on the children to continue. They may be good at the sport, but if they don?t love it, should we make them continue playing?

 

We sacrifice so much to give our children opportunities to play sports. We give up Saturday afternoons for games, weekday nights for practices, and extra treats so we can afford a new uniform or protective gear. But are we willing to give up the social aspect of sports if our children no longer want to play?

 

More than anything, we want to raise happy, healthy kids. And even if our kids aren?t involved in a particular team any more, we still can be. All these sports teams are run primarily by volunteers, usually, but not always parents of kids on the teams, but also local teens and college students who volunteer as well. We all can be part of that community that sports teams offer.

 

[frigginhurts]

I recently read a column by Jeff Opdyke, a Wall Street Journal columnist whose writing appears in the Providence Journal every other week, about his son?s involvement in soccer. And it was a bit of a wakeup call.

 

Opdyke wonders if he pushed his son to play soccer, not because his son loved it but because Opdyke himself loves soccer and saw himself as the father of a soccer player. His son had played soccer for years, earning a place on the travel team. The family sacrificed a lot to ensure their future Diego Maradona had the time and resources to develop his skills.

 

And it all ended one day when Diego Maradona said he?d rather be Tiger Woods and hung up his soccer cleats in favor of a bag of golf clubs.

 

For our kids, involvement in sports, particular team sports, begins at an early age. We sign our kids up for soccer and t-ball, hockey and softball. We show up for games to cheer on our five-year-olds as they chaotically scramble around the soccer field or impatiently wait their turn at bat in t-ball. We bring snacks for our football players and help our hockey players haul around their gear. Some of our children start with gymnastics or dance, and we happily shell out the money for classes and recital costumes just for the chance to see our future Gene/Jeanne Kelly tap along to Singin? in the Rain.

 

But do we become too invested in the idea of being a parent of an athlete? A soccer dad? A hockey mom? A friend of mine played semi-professional hockey in Europe; now his three-year-old is already taking skating lessons and learning how to wield a stick. Obviously, he wants to share his love of hockey with his child. But what if the child doesn?t take to the sport? Sometimes we invest our own happiness in our children?s choices. Sometimes we get even more out of it than our children do.

 

The sidelines of a baseball game or soccer match can be one of the few public social gathering places for parents these days. The convenience and routine of running into the same people, parents of other kids on the team, becomes a constant in our lives. Eventually, lifelong friendships are made. Controversy aside, what was impressive about the fundraiser for Jacob Mayo was that it revealed a vibrant loving community centered on a youth sports team. I have seen that same kind community germinating on the sidelines of my son?s t-ball game, or through Seekonk Youth Soccer, or through Seekonk Jr. Warriors.

 

When parents take such a big role in the sports teams, the camaraderie and the social aspect, it puts more pressure on the children to continue. They may be good at the sport, but if they don?t love it, should we make them continue playing?

 

We sacrifice so much to give our children opportunities to play sports. We give up Saturday afternoons for games, weekday nights for practices, and extra treats so we can afford a new uniform or protective gear. But are we willing to give up the social aspect of sports if our children no longer want to play?

 

More than anything, we want to raise happy, healthy kids. And even if our kids aren?t involved in a particular team any more, we still can be. All these sports teams are run primarily by volunteers, usually, but not always parents of kids on the teams, but also local teens and college students who volunteer as well. We all can be part of that community that sports teams offer.

 

 

those are great thoughts and questions to ponder.  I don't have an answer but i enjoy watching my kids compete and enjoy being around the other parents and families as well.  As for the money and time, I happen to think it is well spent.  I guess you could save your money and stay home all of the time but that seems a little too boring for me. 

As long as my kids enjoy it and want to do it, i will continue to make the sacrifices.  If they don't want to do it, then i won't push them.

[kevinl]

All I can do is give my experience on this.

 

I have six children and everyone had different expectations with sports and other activities.

 

The oldest was into softball in a big way.  All she wanted to do was softball.  It was her only HS sport and she played all summer.  She ended up with a scholarship and played for two years in college.  After that she got burned out with the college athletics grind.  It did not help that she was able to get an academic scholarship that paid more than her athletic scholarship either.  She has been out of school for ten years and does not regret a minute of it.

 

The second oldest played soccer and wrestled.  We did not know about the opportunity to wrestle in the off season until well into his HS career so he did very little wrestling in the off season.  Despite a very successful HS career (he held the school win record for many years) he never made it to State.  He joined the Army right out of high school (scary time after he joined in June of 2001!!!  He was stationed on the Mexican boarder taking training on September 11th!)  He has strongly suggested to his younger brothers that they wrestle in the off season.  Looking back he regrets not working harder in the off season, especially after his brothers have all made it to State.

 

Next oldest was a soccer player.  She played all year round indoor and out.  She was pretty successful until she developed some health issues and had to sit out a year.  She never made it back to the level she was before that.  But she does not regret the time that she spent pursuing her passion.

 

The fourth played soccer and wrestled.  He was never a great soccer player but was fast.  He spent a lot of time in the off season focused on his wrestling.  As a result he placed at IHSAA State three times in his career.

 

The fifth hung up all her athletic shoes when she started high school.  She is a senior and is very involved in many other activities.  She was fearful that Dad would be disappointed but I was not.  The only thing I told her was that I expected her to leave a mark on the school by being involved and she found her own way and I am proud of the mark that she will be leaving.

 

The last is a freshman.  He played soccer this fall and participated in wrestling this past winter.  He wrestled a lot of matches from 3rd to 5th grade.  But he got burned out and only wrestled ten matches in the next three years.  He played a lot of soccer though.  He entered High School focused on soccer not wrestling but mid way through this past wrestling season he found the fire and is planning on focusing on wrestling this off season.  I still take it slow letting him call the shots.  He could have the best career of the three if he stays motivated.

 

He was left feeling unfulfilled after the RUN at State.  He knows that he let a lot of points be scored in several key matches and he does not want that to happen again.

 

My point to all this is that there is no formula to parenting (darn.)  You have to listen to your kids and be willing to re-evaluate on an almost daily basis.  Whether you have two or twenty they will all be different.  Their only expectation was that they knew if I registered them for something they were expected to work their fannies off, follow through for themselves, their parents, their coaches, and their team, but we could change that focus the following year.

 

They participated because they wanted to.  I would have been disappointed had the youngest decided not to wrestle but I would not have pushed him.  I would have done as I always do and sit in the stands at a soccer game, a vocal recital, a looooooooooooooooong boooooooorrrrrrriiiinnnggg play, or what ever they were doing.

 

If you give them the opportunity to try things and they feel comfortable being honest with you, they will tell you.  It takes a lot of faith to look at your star wrestler in 5th grade and ask (not tell) them if they wanted to wrestle in club or try something different.  And just because they decide not to play soccer this year (in reference to the original article they may find they love the sport even more after they have the opportunity to miss it.

 

 

[snarf132]

I have three children who all enjoy multiple sports, my oldest was blessed with a softball scholarship although i let them decide what activites to persue, the one demand we had as parents  was to instill the 99 = 0 mentality, whatever you decide to do give it 100% or dont do it at all