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Are parents ruining wrestling?

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In an age of instant gratification where consumers run the markets telling companies what they want, how they want access to it and what they will pay for it, have wrestling parents adopted this expectation for the coaches of their local clubs and school teams? With the options of wrestling venues exploding from private clubs to private school options, have we turned wrestling into a commodity? Gone are the days of wrestlers trudging to the wrestling room to grind it out and fight for their place in the line-up and here are the days where coaches spend all day in the room and evenings answering personal calls, texts, and emails from angry parents questioning every decision made and explaining why their kid deserves to wrestle this weight or that weight or can't make it to practice or help at an event. When did parents stop respecting the role of coaches so loudly. While clearly this is not every parent the numbers are growing, and coaches are left scratching their heads wondering when they lost control. More importantly feeling disappointed that despite the countless hours spent coaching, training, staying up at night stressing over their wrestlers wellbeing, parents still don't respect their decisions in their rooms. What are we teaching our kids if they don't get the spot they want they quit. They quit? Throw a fit? Transfer schools? When will the coaches be allowed to coach? When will we let the traditions and established processes be enough? When will parents sit back and support their coaches instead of vilifying escape goating them? When did we start letting people outside the rooms start calling the shots? And when will people begin to let go and let coaches teach young men and women how to persevere and grind out after maybe falling short? Are parents ruining wrestling?

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 escape goating

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRKfC8B9r-c

goat escape= 1pt

 

 

scapegoat definition. A person or group that is made to bear blame for others. According to the Old Testament, on the Day of Atonement, a priest would confess all the sins of the Israelites over the head of a goat and then drive it into the wilderness, symbolically bearing their sins away.

 

scapegoat. This term, for one who is punished for the misdeeds of others, is the result of a mistranslation. The term was coined in 1530 by William Tyndale, who misread the Hebrew word 'azazel, the proper name of Canaanite demon, as 'ez ozel, literally the goat that departs.

 

Also, is Busstogate's icon a scapegoat?

Edited by MOWrestler

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Are parents ruining wrestling?

No. This is a generality.  There are plenty of parents who are great supporters of their kids, the sport and coaches.

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Agreed the good outweighs the bad 10/1. I should have went with my original thought of "bully" parents. As an onlooker it seems the toll one or two of these "personalities" takes on a program often multiplies over the fantastic parents.

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The answer is "it depends"

 

In some cases, the parents are out of line.  However in other cases, it may be that the parents are looking out for the best interests of their children.  They are, after all, *their* children right?

 

Yes, I do believe many parents now set unreasonable expectations on their kids sports "careers". Maybe that's what you are referring to?

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I think it can, mostly for new coaches (1-5 years) coming into a program. I have seen parents in bleachers working other parents to gang up on coaching staffs. I've seen it wear down coaching staffs to quit. I've seen it were a troubled parent's kid graduated and the parent moved on.

 

It can set programs back, hurt numbers, and several other problems. I've heard threats from parents talking about taking kids to other schools, going to the papers, going to the school board, and even physical threats. Then even after their kid left told how other kids in the program will never see "the lights" at state!

 

What I have learned from my experiences is that I would rather have a group of kids that have fun winning and losing together. Parents that support each other and each other's kids! If not I would prefer the parent and kid move on to another program!

Edited by warsawwrestling

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We also forget the side of things where parents are ruining wrestling for their kids. I've seen it numerous times where if a kid doesn't perform as well as he/she should of, the parent basically tears him a new one. This is especially apparent when the kids are at a younger age. This negative attitude towards them can drive them away from wanting to do the sport. Parents should always be positive towards their kids, no matter how they perform.

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We also forget the side of things where parents are ruining wrestling for their kids. I've seen it numerous times where if a kid doesn't perform as well as he/she should of, the parent basically tears him a new one. This is especially apparent when the kids are at a younger age. This negative attitude towards them can drive them away from wanting to do the sport. Parents should always be positive towards their kids, no matter how they perform.

To a point! Some kids need that push from mom and/or dad. Defiantly think there needs to be some positive in there. I remember a story about the Stiners talking about their mom always on them about their wrestling. Also, believe it was about how much better kids were when mom's were the harda$$ rather than the dads. I have no problem with stern parents as long as they know when to let the kid breath and experience/learn from life lessons or matches.

 

But I think you are referring to the ones that rip their kid for 15 minutes after winning or losing a match, practice them 2 hours at home after practice, or don't care if they are failing in school but get after them about sports!

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This phenomena is certainly not unique to wrestling & I'm not sure how new it is either.

 

I believe the advent of youth sports specialization (concentrating on a single sport year round) has definitely intensified &/or increased this behavior, & youth sports specialization has been around quit a while now. I actually think that the emergence of soccer bears a lot of the blame for this. In my neck of the woods anyway, soccer was the first sport in which you began seeing "travel" teams that would ask/expect year round commitments from kids/parents.

 

The result of this sports specialization is that we now see elevated & often unrealistic expectations from parents. And many fall into the habit of changing teams if things aren't going their way. As has already been mentioned, the good parents really out number the bad ones but unfortunately all it takes is one bad apple to spoil it for the rest.

 

The only advise I can give to coaches is make it clear up front that while you will certainly listen to any & all concerns, all team related decisions are made by the coaching staff alone. Furthermore, you as a coach must conduct a no special treatment atmosphere & be fair & firm with it. Because if you lax in that at all, you are going to create animosity.

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From a youth perspective, I didn't use to like the idea of banning parents from watching practice, but have to say it really makes things better for the kids.  I think parents in the room are a problem 95% of the time and kids do better without their parents watching and coach's have less problems to deal with.  Parents don't like it, especially at first, but I think if you are trying to do what's best for the kids this is the way to go.

 

On a side note, without parents I think the sport would die out in a generation.

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From the parents side. One thing that I think is lost is the amount of money that can be poured into a "career". Most parents want the best that they can get for their child/children. I know that when we had both of our children in a sport (different sports of course. volleyball and wrestling) we spent almost $10,000 on team fees, travel for different events, entry fees and even flight tickets and hotel costs for several team coaches when we had to drive 950 miles as parents to get to a venue. With those types of costs parents do expect higher returns from their kids. One other thing I will say. I have been a hard ass on my kid when he was young, but after those hard ass sessions it was always followed by build up sessions. You can't tear a kid down and not build him back up. As WE both got older the tear down sessions became fewer and farther between, but the build up sessions continued after every match! Many parents forget the second part of the equation, which is an unfortunate cause to kids leaving the sport (not just wrestling). Just my two cents (probably only worth a penny though lol)!

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Parents are ruining sports - they give all their kids trophies , tell them how great they are , tell them they are champions; reward them for just competing. Then when they get to HS when it gets tough they quit - you have to earn things in this life and too many parents aren't teaching the kids that. So yes parents are ruining sports.

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Parents are ruining sports - they give all their kids trophies , tell them how great they are , tell them they are champions; reward them for just competing. Then when they get to HS when it gets tough they quit - you have to earn things in this life and too many parents aren't teaching the kids that. So yes parents are ruining sports.

 

I don't know many parents that are handing out the trophies. I agree that participation trophies aren't worth a hill of beans - but that's not the parents fault - it's generally the league. I coach multiple baseball and softball teams during the spring/summer/fall and I'd say 95% of the parents I have are great. They expect their kids to give their best effort, be attentive and learn. They don't expect trophies for losing. Most of the parents I know understand that a kid can learn more from losing and working to get better than from winning all the time. If parents are ruining sports, then we will not have sports because parental involvement is an absolute must for any kid.

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Parents are ruining sports - they give all their kids trophies , tell them how great they are , tell them they are champions; reward them for just competing. Then when they get to HS when it gets tough they quit - you have to earn things in this life and too many parents aren't teaching the kids that. So yes parents are ruining sports.

So parents are going down to the local sporting goods stores and buying tons of trophies?   I keep how hearing how these excessive trophies are  being given out.   I should get in the trophy making business,  because must be real good.  You could probably make a fortune.

 

Maybe we should get back to reality and put some perspective on this.   Maybe kids playing and competing at an entry level or a recreation level, they probably give the kids a medal, ribbon or trophy.  The reason they're doing it more is to try to keep the kid interested in that sport, there's so much competition between sports.    So what,  so the kid gets a medal.  Maybe he'll stick with the sport and get better.     Also, if a kid comes out and competes, hes not a champion but still a winner.

Edited by Wrestling Scholar

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As a trophy business owner , I do think you should venture into it if you can.

 

Maybe it's just my area , kids are so entitled and unwilling to work - they believe they should be the star without the effort.

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